28 Aug 2008 - 27 Av 5768
Weekly Dvar Torah
As part of the community's education programme, members are invited to deliver a Dvar Torah after the Kiddush each Shabbat morning. If you are not on the list and would like to give a Dvar Torah, please contact the Synagogue office.
On this page can be found some of the many Divrei Torah given by members of the community. If you would like one of yours to appear please send it as a Word document to the Synagogue office.
Vayakhel
Last Rosh Hoshanah Rabbi Grunewald as usual gave a
SERMON! He talked about the importance of religious FAITH to our WELL-BEING and
referred to some of the social problems we face. He mentioned:-
* Failed relationships
* Increased
drunkenness
* Family discord
and
* the Despair many
people feel.
His theme was that Judaism's teachings provided a basis for
avoiding these social pitfalls.
"Sir,
The Government is rightly concerned about cheap
alcohol, drugs, antisocial behaviour and all the other factors affecting youth
today.
But the constant emphasis on the supply side of the
equation disguises our total neglect of the demand side.
Children who from the earliest age are taught the
importance of self-worth, self-respect, respect for other people and the need to contribute to society
are less likely to abuse their minds and bodies and cause trouble as they grow
older.
Those with no such basic training will inevitably
respond to to the self-indulgent temptations that lead them into personal
degradation and public disapproval. We
need to understand that character training is a s vital a part of the education
process as academic and skills development".
Last Shabbat a letter appeared in
The Times newspaper from one John Bishop of Needingworth, Cambridge. Here is
part of it
This letter and Rabbi Grunewald's sermon
raise the whole question about development of self-esteem that I am going to talk about as it my belief that many of our
social problems have lack of self-esteem as a key component.
What is the connection to today's sedrah?
Towards the end Chap 38 v8 refers to the
copper mirrors given by the women which were used to make the laver which held
water for the purification rituals.
What's so special about the MIRRORs?
Because when you look in a MIRROR, you see an image of
yourself.
(Harvey Bengen pointed out afterwards that this is not true - what you see is a laterally-inverted
image!)
·
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin pointed out two week ago in The Jerusalem post that your face says more
about you than you realise!
He noted in his comments on Parashat Tetzaveh that the Hebrew
word for face is "panim" - . P'nim in Hebrew means internal not external. Which
links to the internal "you" and your self-worth, self-esteem or self-respect
that my d'var addresses.
Judaism
values every person because they are who they are. It teaches us to be
non-judgemental in our dealings with our fellow humans and provides us Jews with
codes of behaviour which should help us to lead useful lives and relate to
others and the natural world harmoniously. And, as we are told right at the
start of today's sedrah we need to keep Shabbat on the seventh day.
Shabbat
is often referred to as "Ot" a sign. Because, as the saying goes, "more than
the Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews".
My next source was a typically American "moral" poster in a
school gym which read "Before you can earn respect, you first have to give
respect".
What this didn't say was that before you can GIVE respect,
you need to respect yourself. And to do this you need to feel you have some
self-value. If you haven't got self-esteem and value yourself, you won't be
able to respect others.
I had intended to spell out how the
terms respect, self-respect, self-esteem are defined because they all imply
slightly different things but I haven't got time to do this! Please look them
up if you want to!
I believe that a lot of today's "social problems" arise
because many people show little respect for parents or teachers and lack mutual
respect for each other. Why? Because they have low self-esteem.
How does one's self-image develop?
Self-image and self-esteem start to develop as soon as we are
born. The way parents and later teachers, other adults, our siblings and
members of our peer group - interact with us are all critically important.
Rabbi Donin's 1977 book "To raise a Jewish Child" contains an
important section about development of self-image.
He deals specifically with respect for the Child and
development of the Child's self-esteem and the Child's self-reliance.
He stresses that "nurture" not "nature" controls the result.
Parents who themselves have little or no self-esteem are
often unable, or at best find it very difficult, to treat their child in ways
which develop the child's self-esteem. The same comment applies to teachers.
Judaism has always put "parents" and "teachers" in key roles.
Maybe the Jewish rule that a teacher even takes precedence over a parent should
tell us something!
Whether we like it or not, the great
majority of people living in the UK
pattern their lives round "faith" teachings is relatively small.
Some other additional pathway is needed
if self-esteem and self-respect are to be re-established near the top of our
social agenda for the secular majority. I believe this is essential if our
society is to survive and we are to live harmoniously.
Definitions
ex shorter OED
A lot of parents need help to make sure that each child is
given every opportunity to acquire a good self-image. This is even more
important if they come from a dysfunctional home or a deprived background.
As John Bishop's letter clearly spells out teaching is ineffective
if children lack self-esteem.
Government's concentration on GCSE and A level pass rates and grades misses
the point entirely of what real education is about - providing a basis for
development of each child's full potential. The Headmaster of my
grand-childrens' school in Bristol recently remarked to my daughter
that "teachers were being forced to concentrate on the measurable and ignore
the valuable" . This is horrifying!
To break the vicious circle of children without self-esteem
becoming parents unable to develop their offspring's potential, it seems to me
that we have to focus on teenagers and young parents.
This needs an effective network of parenting courses designed
to attract those who need them.
I have done some homework on what is available.
I have NOT been able to find any Jewish Parenting courses as
such - at least nothing for parents who are not already in real trouble. Maybe
we assume that all Jewish parents are naturally 'good parents'. I only wish
that this was true - but it isn't!
I did find three registered charities working in this field.
I hadn't heard of any of them before!
The
first is 'Care for the Family', which has produced a DVD and user-friendly
workbook entitled' 21st Century Parent'. Althoughh I haven't seen these
yet I know they has been used in Faversham, Kent to great effect -
interestingly without using its often overt Christian content!
The
second is 'Positive Parenting'. Founded some 30 years ago, it started parenting
workshops in 2000. Currently some 10,000 parents attend these each year,
including many from inner city minority groups.
And the third is called 'Hope' or Harrow Family Learning Network. It is
based in Pinner Green! 'Hope' only operates in Harrow, has been going in its
present form for about 4 years and runs 4 courses a year, each for about 30
parents - 2 courses on Parenting skills and 2 for Parents with Teenagers. Terry
Nemko is one its Trustees!
The Government recognised that a parenting problem existed
some 10 years ago. It set up the SureStart programme aimed at deprived families
to help new parents acquire basic parenting skills.
However I understand that most of the limited number of
places were not taken up by deprived parents but by the better off. The scheme
was underfunded too - what a surprise! Currently £4Bn has now been allocated to
cover the next 3 years with a view to getting at least one SureStart centre in
each community - Harrow has 4 at the moment.
Every individual's self-esteem has to be given real priority
by Government, parents, teachers and everyone who is in a position of
authority.
Attractive and effective parenting courses are, I believe, an
essential ingredient in rebuilding individual self-esteem and, as a
consequence, re-establishing mutual respect generally in the wider community.
This area has not been addressed so far by the Jewish
Community as a priority. I think we should be providing an initiative if we are
to take the lead as 'a light unto the nations'.
If not us, who will? And If not now, when?
Meanwhile each of us needs to do everything we can to build
up self-esteem in everyone we contact - today and everyday - and encourage others to be sensitive to
this need and do their bit too.
I discussed this with Josh Phillips some
weeks ago. He suggested that if Mankind
fails to find solutions to our global social lack of respect for the 'other',
Hashem could decide to impose another catastrophe like the flood ? but He
promised not to end another flood - to make the lesson clear to the survivors!
This seems to me as good a guess as what could happen. It is
up to us to help to avoid the possibility of an awful outcome.
So each time you celebrate Shabbat or look in a mirror,
PLEASE reinforce your own self-image and remember to boost your spouse's, children's
and everyone else's sense of self-value too!
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Shabbat Shalom
Respect (of several)
1.
avoid
interfering with, harming, degrading, insulting, injuring or interrupting
2.
refrain
from offending, corrupting or tempting a person
Self-respect respect
for oneself, a feeling that one is behaving with honour, dignity
Self-esteem a good opinion of oneself
Self-image one's own idea or picture of oneself
1st March 2008 Robin Woolf
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